In coaching, silence can be a tool for transformation. Coaching expert Lucia Baldelli writes that effectively using silence means resisting the urge to jump in to encourage or challenge the thinking that is being shared. It provides space to process thoughts, connect ideas, and discover breakthroughs. I was lucky to read Baldelli’s blog on the subject just before kicking off a weeklong coaching residency in a school in Sydney, Australia. Her guidance gave me the opportunity to be intentional about quieting my verbal responses while taking on a listening role.
As I dug into this practice, I became painfully aware of how I often responded verbally when I was in conversations. For example, I realized that I had a habit of jumping in with quick verbal affirmations or extensions without even realizing it. For example, when a teacher shared an idea, I might interject with, “I love that!” or “That’s a cool idea.” While I felt like I was being encouraging and none of my comments were harmful on the surface, it started to feel disruptive nonetheless. It’s my nature to be encouraging, so my next step was to find a way to signal this nonverbally. I chose to simply smile and nod my head, rather than jumping in. As a result, I walked away learning so much more from the conversations that I was having.
When I shifted to true listening without jumping in, I found that the conversations took on a different feeling. They felt more natural and progressed at a pace that felt, dare I say, comfortable. This was a relief since I had always thought of silence as being uncomfortable. Since then, I’ve turned it into a game where I challenge myself at the beginning of conversations (both professional and social) to stay true to this goal. What I’ve noticed is when I quiet myself, conversations become more calm and reflective. It’s as if less interruptions smoothes out the conversational waters.
I’d encourage you to practice silence in conversations. Something that we might assume is awkward can be incredibly rewarding.